Even though the occasional argument between good friends is a sign of a healthy relationship, fighting with your friends is never fun. Unnecessary tension, accusations, and cold shoulders can ultimately end a friendship if battles are not resolved. So, if we can avoid picking dumb friend fights in the first place, we’ll all be better off.
When we say “dumb fights,” we’re talking about those silly spats we all get into that really carry no weight, yet can be detrimental to a friendship if mishandled.
Arguing over who did what during a night out, who’s responsible for cleaning the bathroom next, or bringing up a sore issue from the past can all lead to blowouts that don’t ever need to come to fruition. Teaching yourself how to approach these topics with care and logic can be the difference between growing closer or pushing your pal away.
We’ve provided several tips to take with you into your next upset to make sure you’re diffusing tension before it bubbles over.
Of course, some arguments are unavoidable. But if you know how to navigate your way through friend fights, you can repair, forgive, and get back to your BFF movies and wine night faster.
1. Don’t bottle your emotions.
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If and when your friend does something that annoys you, don’t brush it off and tell yourself it’s fine. Speak your mind and let your pal know how you’re feeling.
Tell them, “I really get upset with your lack of communication,” or “I’d feel better if you make more of an effort to be on time.” Letting your feelings build up will ultimately cause you to resent your friend or blow up at them when you can’t hold in your thoughts any longer.
2. Never accuse.
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It’s easy to point the finger, but doing so will make your friend feel as thought they’re under attack, which can lead to bigger problems. Instead, turn the disagreement or issue back to yourself. Express how you feel when your friend does something you dislike rather than claim they did something wrong. This method will lead to conversation rather than argument.
3. Apologize when you’re in the wrong.
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Alternatively, a friend might come to you to express their feelings in regards to something you did.
Don’t swing the argument and place blame on them. Own up to your mistake or wrongdoing if you know you’re in the wrong. Then work together to come up with a solution to mend the friendship.
4. Look at a situation from their perspective.
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This might be extremely hard to do when you’re feeling hurt or disappointed in a friend.
But if you can zoom out and see where they are coming from, you might be able to turn down the volume on your own hurt and understand both sides of the story better.
5. Follow through and be reliable.
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When you say you’re going to be somewhere, be there. When you tell your friends they can lean on you during tough times, let them lean.
Avoid conflict by being the upstanding friend they need and want, and build up a reliable reputation for yourself. Even if you’d rather sit at home and watch Netflix, showing up for your friends always feels better than flaking.
6. Jealousy is okay, but needs to be handled properly.
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Feeling jealous of a friend’s appearance, career, popularity, etc. is sometimes unavoidable and can be hard to cope with.
But reconfiguring the way you handle your jealousy can truly save a friendship. Remind yourself that comparing yourself to others is pointless — everyone moves through life differently and at different paces. No one is better than anyone else. Share your feelings with others and work together to overcome your jealousy. Surrounding yourself with those who make you feel amazing is the first step to actually believing that you are amazing.
7. Look at the bigger picture.
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Again, this tip takes some serious “zoom out” skills, but if you get really good at looking at the larger picture, small annoyances don’t seem so bad.
Sure, your friend keeps borrowing your clothes or continues to see the person you warned them about. As tiring as these types of situations can be, if you realize that they’re just clothes or your pal is an adult who can make their own decisions, you can diffuse your own built-up tension and let things go much easier.
When you have a great friend, you’ll do anything it takes to keep them by your side.
Work on your communication skills and arguing tactics to ensure a dumb little fight won’t lead to a friend breakup.