Bad news, strict deadlines, and awkward confrontations can bring out our not-so-great qualities. Overreacting to any of those situations can make them way more stressful than they already are. Knowing how to handle your emotions in any scenario can help you stay calm, cool, and collected. And being able to control your reactions will aid you in navigating any circumstance with ease.
“Overreacting” means something different to everyone and is completely subjective to the scenario at hand. Some things, like sad or tragic news, are worth crying and shouting about. But if Dan from HR just happened to take your soda out of the break room fridge, crying may not be an appropriate outlet for your annoyance. Instead, use the below tips to come up with a more appropriate response.
Being able to diffuse tension when a stressful situation presents itself will not only help you become a better communicator, but you’ll be better equipped to handle anything life throws at you with minimal anxiety. A life with less stress is a happier one.
Everyone has their own methods for dealing with stress and upsetting scenarios. But the tips we’ve provided below can be put into practice by anyone and in any situation.
1. Take time to breathe.
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This tip is especially important if you’re the type to follow up with a harsh remark. Before you fight fire with fire in any scenario, take a step back, focus on your breathing, and formulate an appropriate response. “Most of us make poor word choices when our pulse goes above 100,” psychotherapist and author of The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine Aron, Ph.D., told Good Housekeeping.
If you can, wait as long as possible — at least until the situation doesn’t feel so overwhelming — to provide comment. For example, if you receive an email that makes you want to scream and kick chairs, wait at LEAST an hour before you reply. If you’re still feeling really pissed in an hour, then wait another. You need to be able to come back to that annoying email and answer it calmly, using precise language that is thought-out and purposeful. That way, you can write a powerful response without answering out of anger or hurt — it’s just much more effective this way.
2. Zoom out and compare your situation to the bigger picture.
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Say, for example, you received a low grade on an assignment or perhaps you made a cringe-worthy error in a work report that everyone in your team saw, including your boss. In that moment, your face might burn and you might feel really bad about yourself. But if you take a minute to zoom out and compare your woe with that of others or think about how this one single mistake may not be an issue in a week’s time, you can talk yourself out of getting down. Yes, our struggles are subjective. But sometimes it will make you feel better knowing worse things happen out there. And this is so tiny on that scale of Bad Things That Happen.
3. Find the silver lining.
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Finding the positives of a situation while you’re still feeling the stress can be hard to do. But while you’re taking a minute to breathe, try to search for the silver lining. Dynamic therapist and relationship expert, Julie Hanks LCSW, wrote via PychCentral, “When we have intense emotions it’s easy to go to a worst-case scenario as an explanation for whatever you’re reacting to (e.g., ‘they’ve never liked me’ or ‘she always criticizes me’).” Rather than focusing on the negatives, remind yourself of your positive qualities. Or, if someone insults you, tell yourself that they might be going through something and didn’t intend to hurt you.
4. Figure out your triggers.
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Ilene S. Cohen, Ph.D., psychotherapist and teacher in the Department of Counseling at Barry University, wrote via PsychologyToday.com that knowing your triggers can help you better plan your responses and reactions. Dr. Cohen uses the example of being triggered by unfair criticism. She knows that because she responds poorly to having her work harshly critiqued, she has made herself aware of this and formulated calmer responses to those who offer her criticism.
Let’s say your trigger is an inconsiderate roommate. They leave their clothes in the living room, they neglect their chores, they’re always blasting music at two in the morning. Know that your roommate not respecting your space is a trigger, and come up with a system that allows you to think clearly about the situation at hand so you don’t blow up on them. Take a walk. Text a friend. Look at puppy videos. And then calmly confront her about what’s bothering you (which might not work, but hey, at least you tried in the most positive way you could think of).
5. Admit when you’re wrong.
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If and when you get called out for being wrong, no matter how big or small your error is, own up to it. It doesn’t make sense to get defensive when evidence shows your defense has holes. Defensiveness only causes more anger and an argument that could have ended with you stating “okay, I was wrong” could last minutes or hours longer than it should.
6. Know that nobody, not one person, can force you to feel a certain way.
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According to Psych Central, you have control over the way you feel. The site offers the quote “no one can drive your car unless you give them the keys.” Sure, maybe your co-worker unfairly threw you under the bus. Your significant other said something mean during a fight. They may want you to feel terribly, but just know that you ultimately have control over your feelings. Knowing that you have the power can allow you to brush off what was said or done and then respond calmly. (Note that in this situation we’re not talking about mental illness — that’s something you should totally talk to a therapist or your doctor about.)
Keeping these handy hacks in your back pocket might just save you when you’re faced with a stressful scenario. Remind yourself to keep your cool and take as much time as you need to formulate responses in order to ensure you’re living your life as stress-free as possible.
