In general, dating is exhausting. Figuring out what to text your date, so that you come off effortlessly cool, calm, and collected, is stressful. Picking the perfect date spot is confusing. And wondering whether they’re going to call again is one of the worst feelings ever. So really, the last thing we need are dating trends that only make things even more complicated. They usually involve some sort of emotional game — think ghosting, where you straight-up stop talking to someone with no warning or reason. Now, sadly, “Gatsbying” is a new dating trend you need to know about, and while it isn’t quite as bad as ghosting, it’s still going to give you a headache.
In order to truly understand what Gatsbying means, you have to understand the basic plot of The Great Gatsby. In the F. Scott Fitzgerald book, the main character, Jay Gatsby, throws extravagant parties in an attempt to get the attention of Daisy Buchanan, the woman he’s in love with. On the surface, it seems like Gatsby is merely a social king who really knows how to make a celebration fun. Deep down, though, it’s a different story.
Gatsbying doesn’t mean throwing lavish parties in order to get your crush to notice you, but it comes really close.
The term, which was coined by model Matilda Dods in a story on TomboyBeauty.com, refers to the moment when you post a “video, picture, or selfie to public social media purely for a love interest to see.” You know what Dods is referring to: when you go out, do something fun, and purposely take a photo and post it just so that your potential bae can see how fun, awesome, and social you really are.
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The origin of the term is a story we can all relate to.
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Dods was out one night, feeling cute, when she asked a friend to take a photo of her for her Instagram story — so that her crush could “see how damn good” she looked (as one does). After a little while, she checked to see if he had viewed it and texted her, and unfortunately, he hadn’t. To her friend, she said, “I bet this was how Gatsby felt, when he’d throw parties just so Daisy would come and fall in love with him!” And from there, Gatsbying was born.
Now, there’s nothing really wrong with Gatsbying — after all, the whole point of posting anything on social media is so that other people will see it, so it’s not like you’re doing something strange by wanting one person in particular to notice your post. On top of that, this is a trick that definitely has the potential to work, and often does.
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Still, Dods makes an important observation, saying, “Why, instead of just sending a text to the boy that I like, am I throwing the equivalent of a champagne soaked, chandelier swinging, Charleston dancing party on my Instagram story? All for that ceaseless green light across the water that is the attention of a boy who, let’s be real, probably isn’t good enough for me anyway?”
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She makes a good point: if you want your crush’s attention, you should probably just send them a text instead of a subtle message that could easily go over their heads. Gatsbying might be fun and super common, but it’s also not the best way to go about expressing your feelings. Just something to keep in mind!
