Pulling the trigger and ending a relationship can be near impossible, even when you’re no longer happy with your partner. This trepidation to cut ties has less to do with your wishy-washiness, and more so to do with your psychology. A new study shows that people often stay in unhappy relationships in order to protect their partner’s feelings.
Published in the November issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, two studies conducted by researchers from the University of Utah, Wayne State University, the University of Toronto, and University of Toronto, Mississauga each showed that people are less likely to end a relationship if they feel as though their partner is dependent on them and their coupledom.
In the first study, 1,348 participants in romantic relationships were asked a series of questions about their relationship dynamic. Those relationships were then tracked over 10 weeks to see how they evolved.
The second followup study, which asked similar questions to the first, involved 500 participants who were contemplating breaking up with their partner. Researchers tracked their relationships for two months.
Both studies concluded that participants were less likely to call it quits if they thought their partner was dependent on and committed to their relationship.
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Samantha Joel, an assistant professor at the University of Utah/Western University’s Department of Psychology, and lead author of the study, told UNews,
“When people perceived that the partner was highly committed to the relationship they were less likely to initiate a break up. This is true even for people who weren’t really committed to the relationship themselves or who were personally unsatisfied with the relationship.”
“Generally,” she continued, “we don’t want to hurt our partners and we care about what they want.”
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However, Joel added, the unhappy party could have a skewed perception of their partner’s commitment or how their partner would handle a breakup. Making the decision to stay in such a relationship is a double-edged sword, Joel said. Sure, a relationship could get better if you stay. Then again, you may just be dragging out a miserable situation and that’s not fair for either person involved.
Although it’s nice to take others’ opinions into consideration, sometimes you just have to go with your own gut and follow your own heart.