First dates are nerve-racking. Are they going to like me? Are we going to get along? This better not be awkward. And if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, first dates carry even more weight. First impressions are everything. Arriving to a first date with an arsenal of good questions is a great way to calm your nerves and fully use this opportunity to vet a potential partner. So, if you desire to be in it for the long-haul, bring these questions to your first date.
The goal of a first date is to begin to get to know the other person. What do they do for a living? What are their likes and dislikes? How’s their relationship with their family? But first dates are also a breeding ground for awkward small talk. It’s best not to linger on chatting about recent weather patterns and move on to more substantial topics. Don’t be afraid to ask deeper questions — but do so conversationally and naturally rather than interrogating your date.
The below questions will help you feel for a possible connection between you and the person sitting on the other side of the table. They will reveal personality, humor, and open up more conversation that can lead to potential long-lasting spark.
1. What’s the most recent thing you were really proud of?
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According to couples therapist and sexologist Isiah McKimmie via HuffingtonPost.com, finding out what your date takes pride in is a great way of discovering their interests and their personal values. McKimmie says that common values are more important in a relationship than common interests, and this question will let you in on something your date holds dear.
2. What is something you’re passionate about?
This question hits a lot harder than, “What are your hobbies?” You’ve learned what your date does for a living, but learning what their passion is gives you insight to who this person actually is and what interests them outside of their career.
3. If failure wasn’t in the equation, what would your dream job be?
Use this as a follow-up to the above question. By asking your date what they would be doing if they couldn’t fail reveals their highest career/life aspirations and can potentially show how driven they are to succeed.
4. What do you want to be remembered for after you’re gone?
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As long as you don’t phrase this question in a way that centers around the doom and gloom of death, you can easy find out what your date’s priorities are in life, says couples therapist Aaron Anderson via HuffingtonPost.com.
5. How do you usually spend your weekends?
Do they lounge around in bed or are they super productive? Understanding how your date spends their free time can give you a good idea if you’re on the same wavelength or if you’d argue over future weekend plans or lifestyle habits.
6. Who is your best friend and why do you get along so well?
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Letting someone gush about their best friend lets you gain perspective on how they value other people. Note if your date focuses on their emotional connection or keeps their explanation surface-level.
7. Who is the most important person in your life?
Again, this is another great followup to the best friend question. Here your date can delve into who they love and why. What qualities do they admire in this person and how has this person shaped your possibly-future-BF-or-GF?
8. If you could go back in time, what advice would you give your teenage self?
To some extent, everyone wishes they could go back in time and change one thing about themselves or give their younger self some words of wisdom to take them into the future. Not only can you learn about what your date was like as a teenager, but you can also see how they have changed and what life lessons they’ve learned as an adult.
9. What is the most embarrassing thing you’ve done or has happened to you?
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Ask this question after you feel an initial spark. If your date is cool with opening up to you about something super embarrassing, then there might be something special here. Remember to react in a ~sympathetic~ way if it’s something kind of gross.
10. If you could paint a picture of your future, what would it look like?
This is a less abrasive way to ask how they feel about having kids, marriage, and the “big stuff.” Their answer will tell you if they’re more career- or family-oriented, if they plan on living in the city or in the suburbs, or if they’ve even thought about a future.
11. What’s your favorite book?
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This question is important for people who love to read. As you may already know, it’s close to impossible to be compatible with someone who hates reading if that’s something you truly love and value. Get to know what kind of lit they’re into. It actually says a lot about a person.
12. If you could hang out with a celebrity, who would it be?
So this is just for fun. But also the answer is very telling! This can lead to a lighthearted discussion about your fave TV shows and movies, and even ~celeb gossip~ if that’s what they’re into. A little guilty pleasure talk never hurt anyone, right?
13. What’s your favorite place you’ve traveled to?
A person’s wanderlust may make or break your relationship. If you’re the type of person who’s always looking for the next big adventure, you’ll probably want to be with someone who feels the same way, or at least is open to it. Someone who is a homebody may not be the best fit — and vice versa. Unless you really, really feel like you open their eyes to a whole new world of experiences.
14. How do you feel about social media?
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Social media is so pervasive in our lives. Everyone either has an account (most likely multiple), or is so vehemently against social media, you’ll never find them online, no matter how hard you look. This is important if you’re the type of person who likes to share bits and pieces of your life on social media — will they be cool with being a part of that, potentially?
15. Are you an introvert or extrovert? Or somewhere in the middle?
You’ll most likely quickly find out by just talking to this person throughout your date, but it’s always intriguing to learn how they perceive themselves.
16. Do you like pets?
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If you have pets, you probably want to date someone who at the very least tolerates them. If you’re the one who could care less about having a fuzzy companion, are you willing to be with someone who does? It’s definitely something to consider.
17. Who did you vote for?
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Okay. This could start a super heated discussion — in a good way, or a bad way. The positive thing about the outcome (whatever that may be), is that you’ll find out from the get-go where your potential partner stands. If you jump into a relationship and then find out this person voted for someone whose policies you find atrocious, you’re bound to be in a miserable (and uncomfortable) situation at best.
Everyone has a few dud first dates in their lifetime, so don’t be discouraged if the above questions don’t reveal your Romeo (or Juliet). But if you believe in lasting love, then don’t be afraid to get to the good stuff on your first date.
