When you think about having kids, you probably tell yourself that you’re going to be completely honest with them as they’re growing up.
But then, they arrive. And that promise is a lot harder to keep than you might think.
There aren’t any pristine parents out there. Everyone has at least one little secret. Usually, it’s something small — like, partaking in a big glass of wine after the kid is asleep, or binging on a secret stash of gummy bears on the weekend when snacks like that have been deemed off-limits for your household. Sometimes, it’s a little bigger.
On the Reddit subforum AskReddit, thatdude595 asked fellow Redditors about the craziest secret they’ve kept from the kids, and some of the responses are absolutely horrifying. Like with most questions, the kids themselves often answered regarding horrible secrets they learned about their parents. All in all, it’s a reminder that nobody is perfect. Every family contains at least one story that they’re not proud of.
If you ever think that your family may be a little abnormal, or a little too secretive, these stories will remind you that it could be a lot worse.
Here are some of the most messed up secrets that parents have admitted they’ve kept from their kids.
1. This wild place of conception.
Hey, there are some things that nobody wants or needs to know.
Conception stories included. Listen — we all know how we got here. Hearing the grisly details and being able to paint a mental image of the whole scene just isn’t necessary. That may have been the most eventful work day this mom has ever had. Or at the very least, the most life-changing.
2. The merry milk man.
It’s always used as a joke, but in this case, it actually became true.
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In case you have no clue what a milkman is, as it’s a forgotten occupation, it’s literally a milk delivery man. Yes, back in the day, milk was delivered to your doorstep. These days, we just pick it up from the store. Since a couple milk men were known as being promiscuous, maybe it’s for the better.
3. The child support battle
It’s a shame to realize that some people value money over their own children.
This is a secret that nobody necessarily wants to hear, but honestly? The kid was better off. Wondering whether or not you’re going to receive child support on a monthly basis is a headache, and single parenting is tiresome enough. Some people just aren’t cut out to be parents, including this guy.
4. Changed holidays
This one’s actually pretty sweet, especially for the parent who’s simply over the midnight tradition.
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It’s definitely harmless, but something that’ll eventually need to end the second the kids get a smartphone. Or, see the one clock that’s been forgotten about. But for at least a couple of years, the kids can think they’re partaking in the tradition while, strangely enough, waking up well-rested the next morning.
5. Murdering uncle
Back to the harsh one. Absolutely nobody deserves to die in such a tragic way.
Having a namesake will help make sure that your memory will live on just a little longer, which is a positive. According to the OP in a post further down from this one, the uncle was kept in a mental health facility after the tragedy happened, and later committed suicide. Keeping these truths a secret makes sense, but you can only avoid the topic for so long.
6. Bedtime lies
Those hours between a kid’s bedtime and an adult’s actual bedtime? Glorious.
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Yes, you still love your kids. But even the best kids can be a handful, and having a few hours to catch up on a show that isn’t Peppa Pig or Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood is glorious. Let’s file this one under “harmless lie,” because saying “I need some time away from you” to your kid is bound to be more damaging.
7. Unknown sibling
Losing a child is one of the worst things a human could go through, so this makes some sense.
It’s a terrible secret for the surviving twin to come across, but having it not be such an open topic of discussion isn’t completely out of the ordinary. Especially if the mother wasn’t aware about grief groups, or the fact that miscarriages and stillbirth are more common than most people think. In general, one in four known pregnancies ends in miscarriage.
8. Different chicken
Learning where meat comes from is a harsh reality for any kid.
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Especially when the animal is so small and fun, like chickens. If your child is a picky eater, and then realizes that those cute little animals are what make up your dinner, imagine how much of an additional struggle meal planning can be for parents. Maybe donating to an animal-related non-profit will help lessen the guilt.
9. A memorable Christmas Eve
If you’re thinking about gossiping about family issues, maybe make sure everyone’s on the same page first.
In this day and age, we kind of assume that everyone has a past. It might not feel important to disclose a past marriage to your child, but an unknown half-sibling is something they should at least be aware of. If you fear being judged by your kid, just imagine how they’ll feel when they end up uncovering the secret themselves.
10. Sorry, Mickey
Parents really do make a lot of sacrifices for their kids.
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A plus about Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is the fact that it’s a pretty innovative show with characters that we already know and love. A con? Disney typically airs it a lot in the mornings, meaning that things can get pretty repetitive. Parents will never be able to predict the number of times they’re forced to watch the same episode of a show when they’re not even the target demographic.
11. Hidden health secrets
It’s hard to explain alcoholism or addiction to a child.
The father probably meant well — obviously, the mom wasn’t herself. The Recovery Village believes that one of the best methods is to make sure you refer to alcoholism as a disease (which it is) and make the child know that it’s nothing they caused or nothing that they, individually, can cure or control. When discussing alcoholism with children under 10, the center believes that one of the biggest priorities is the topic of safety.
12. Recreational drugs
Pot is definitely a drug, but research has shown it’s not as bad as people think.
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In fact, that’s why plenty of states have cleared it for legal medicinal use. It’s very sweet that this father had such agony with telling his family — as he probably preached for years about the dangers of drugs — but, also a little funny that his big reveal didn’t impact their relationship the way he assumed.
13. The secret divorce
This one’s definitely a little strange.
Usually, divorces happen after kids. And if not, after realizing the two of you just aren’t compatible. But getting back together after legally divorcing, having kids, and then never bothering to remarry or make it official again? Well, it’s always possible that their arrangement just seems to work better this way.
14. Fifty Shades of TMI
Surely this isn’t the only pregnancy that happened based on this book series.
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The best part about this story is that it has a very happy ending. Sure, the baby may have been a surprise, but it seems like everything that happened was meant to happen. And you can thank author E.L. James for that. Now, the real question — does her husband know?
15. You are not the father
There is nothing greater in this world than a man who’ll stand up and take responsibility.
It’s even more powerful without a genetic bond forcing that connection to exist. There’s not one specific blueprint for a family — they come in all shapes and sizes. Still, growing up to find out you’re not biologically related to your father can be devastating, so hopefully his son is told sooner rather than later.
16. RIP, buddy
This was definitely an accident. But, a morbid one.
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Hamsters only have a typical lifespan of two to three years, so perhaps this creative lie was better in the long run. If the kids don’t openly Google hamster lifespans, they may assume their pet is still out there on the open road, leading the best free-range hamster life ever.
17. The affair
This story definitely has layers.
In a situation like this, it seems like the truth needs to come out at some point — even though it’d drastically hurt everyone involved. If the son learns that he’s adopted, he may one day set out to find his birth parents. It’s within his right, but he’s going to end up revealing a lot more than he bargained for.
18. Stolen raviolis
On a much lighter note, this lie will make you hungry for ravioli.
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As a benefit, the daughter is learning how to share without even realizing it. This is actually a cute lie that she’ll probably never fully realize, but always think about fondly. It also sounds like the makings of a script for a televised ravioli ad, in case anyone out there is looking for ideas to promote Chef Boyardee.
