Falling in love is hard, but in some ways falling in like can be even harder. Breaking past that very first barrier and going from friends to flirty can seem like an uphill battle, especially if the object of your desire just doesn’t seem to be picking up on your well-timed verbal (or non-verbal) cues. Maybe you’re simply working up the courage to say hello (just kidding, that’s not simple at all), or you’re diving right in and ask them on a capital-d Date; whatever your preferred method, there are a few proven tips and tricks that can help you make a good impression.
But wait! This rings true for platonic and romantic relationships alike. Say you have an important interview, are attending your first day of classes at a new school, or are going to a party where you only know the host (hello, my personal nightmare) — there are a lot of sincere and authentic ways that you can get someone to like you, while making sure that you are showing off your very best self in the process. Because you know you’re great, so why not show everyone else! Plus, as the saying goes, “you never get a second chance to make a first impression,” so you may as well roll up your sleeves and get ready to show the world your good side (inside and out, of course).
Before we dive in…
…Let’s also take a moment to be #humble and remember that, sad as it may feel in the moment, the apple of our eye isn’t always going to be interested in us, no matter what we may so or do. And that’s okay!
There’s nothing wrong with putting your best foot forward when you are trying to get someone to like you and making a misstep. Rejection is part of loving and being loved (or, well, liking and being liked!), and chances are — as long as you’re willing to risk a little heartache — you’ll end up finding your partner, job, or group of friends. And it’ll be worth the extra effort!
Now, let’s take a look at some of the finest tips and tricks that the world has to offer for upping your chances of being liked, or noticed, by that special someone.
1. Let Your Body (Language) Do The Talking
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Is imitation truly the sincerest form of flattery?
If you’re trying to get someone to like you, whether your intent be romantic or platonic, the answer seems to be a big ol’ “yes.” Often referred to as mirroring, or “the chameleon effect,” copying the actions of another person, no matter how subtly, can benefit their perception of you by helping you come across as being more relatable to them, and therefore more likable.
The good news?
The good news is that people typically do this all on their own, as a built-in, unconscious natural response to social interactions. So put a little extra intent behind your body language and it could go a long way!
2. Kind Words Really Do Go A Long Way
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Just make sure they’re sincere!
Most everyone loves to be on the receiving end of a compliment or two, be it a quick “good job!” or a more thought out “I think you’re a very talented painter-skiier-writer-mathematician,” (maybe don’t use all of those at once, though).
A good and sincere compliment is about a whole lot more than just patting the ego of the person you’re admiring. It can actually have a positive, measurable impact on the brain!
And while you’re at it, deliver you niceties while maintaining eye contact!
People who maintain eye contact when communicating with others are able to more easily establish feelings of trust. Just make sure you don’t maintain eye contact too long and risk having the opposite effect.
If you’re not sure if you’ve been lingering too long and are running out of things to say, your best bet is to follow their physical cues (see, already using the tip above!) and maybe cut out while you’re ahead.
3. “What’s In A Name?” Well, A Whole Lot Actually
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Saying a person’s name out loud does more than just help you remember it.
It should come as no surprise, but people love hearing their own names spoken. And, no, it’s not because we’re all secretly narcissists, but because hearing our names triggers a biological reaction in the brain that is directly tied to our sense of self and identity. And it’s a very powerful thing.
Plus, using someone’s name immediately communicates that they’re important to you (and can even show that you’re romantically interested!) — you took the time to learn it, after all!
4. Feeling Brave? Share A Secret With Them
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Or reveal something personal about yourself that you wouldn’t tell just anybody.
Sharing personal information with others is a key relationship-building technique–what’s more, it works, despite how uncomfortable it can make us. Small talk is definitely important in the initial stages of any relationship — professional or platonic — but it’s when we get into the nitty-gritty of who we are, and why, that we really start to reveal our personalities and dispositions to others.
And this includes sharing secrets, or at least less readily available, personal information with others.
The more personal you get, the more comfortable they’ll feel opening up to you, too.
Allowing yourself the space to be vulnerable gives them permission to be vulnerable, too. I mean, you’re showing them you trust them, and therefore they’re more likely to feel like they can trust you. Plus, maybe then it’ll help you both realize that you have a whole lot more in common than you initially thought. Then everyone wins!
5. Give Them The Floor
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Don’t let your anxiety take over the conversation; let them have a chance to talk about themselves!
When you’re done divulging all of your secrets and stories to a perspective partner in crime, love, or business, make sure you give them just as much (if not more) time to express themselves through a few personal narratives.
Show them that their life is just as important to you as your sharing that funny story from college was. Plus, allowing both of you a chance to get a little vulnerable will only benefit your relationship in the long run (just don’t tell their secrets to anyone else, obviously!).
And, while you’re at it, show them that you’re listening.
Yes, I’m talking about your phone. Stow it away, keep it in your purse, pocket, car, kitchen cabinet. Wherever you need to hide it so that you can be sure that you’re giving the person in front of you your full attention. They deserve it!
Plus we are all tech savvy these days, and that means we can all tell when someone has totally stopped listening to us thanks to that friendly buzz indicating that a mysterious text message has just arrived.
6. Do Small Favors For Them
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Get someone to like you by being considerate of their needs and helpful, all at once!
This one may come across as being a little manipulative, so use it wisely and sincerely. Offering to help someone out when you know they’re up against a deadline, or have one-too-many bags of groceries to carry will not only offer them the sweet release of a weight off their shoulders (or, well, arms), but will also make them feel as though they can rely on you. Thus building trust and appreciation between you.
So, resist the urge to sweep them off their feet…too much, that is.
Don’t over-use this one, as it can also make the person feel as though they are indebted to you, which isn’t exactly in line with the adoration you’re after.
7. Ask Them To Do You A Favor
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Yes, you read that right.
For a lot of people, the simple act of asking for help can be anything but simple (hello, vulnerability). But when you’re trying to harness those feelings of love and adoration in another person (or you know just like and respect), humbling yourself enough to ask them for help can get those warm and fuzzy feelings flowing. In fact, Psychology Today even notes that “getting people to do small favors for you…trick[s] their brain into liking you.”
This is also known as the Benjamin Franklin effect.
Back in the day, Ben did a bunch of tests to determine whether asking a foe for a favor could turn them into a friend. And, as history shows, it worked. He found that when you ask someone for a favor and show them gratitude for helping you, it creates feelings of goodwill between you. As Ben noted:
“He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another.”
8. Stay Positive So They Associate You With Positivity
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The wrong attitude can make or break a potentially great relationship with ease.
Most people want to surround themselves with people who make them happy. So, if you work to place yourself in happy memories with the person you have your eye on, chances are you’ll be setting yourself up for success.
But this isn’t all about being in the right place at the right time. Rather, you have the power to create a happy environment just by having the right attitude and approach.
The resulting feelings of affection are referred to as emotional contagion.
Apparently, emotional contagion works in much the same way as imitation does (as noted above), as people have a tendency to want to empathize with one another’s feelings and actions to create a mutually beneficial bond. So when you’re positive, it can help the people around you stay positive, and — yes — associate you with positivity in the process!
9. Find Out What They Love, And Support Them
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People love to feel supported and encouraged by those close to them, especially when it comes to their passions.
Whatever the nature of your relationship with someone, or what you hope the relationship may become, it’s important to know what gets them out of bed in the morning. Supporting people’s passions, be it by applauding their achievements or by encouraging them to finally go to that ceramics class, can make a huge impact when you are trying to get someone to like you.
This is important to remember throughout the entirety of a relationship as well, not only the beginning.
It’s easy to let our personal ambitions fall by the wayside when we become passionate about a specific person (ah, love, in its all-consuming glory), so supporting your potential partner’s ambitions early on will show them you support them, and help set up good habits should you find yourself in a committed relationship down the road.
10. Have Confidence In Yourself
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It may be a cliche, but it really is important to love yourself first.
No one it perfect, especially when it comes to relationships and self-esteem. We all have high days and days when we feel like absolute bags of muck. But throughout the ebb and flow, it’s important to find things you consistently like about yourself and can applaud yourself for.
Being able to fill your own cup of confidence without relying on someone else to do it for you will ensure that any relationships you pursue, both professional and romantic, will be healthy and fulfilling for everyone involved.
That’s not to say that you have to be done working on all your little quirks before you dive into the dating (or job search) pool, but having a clear idea of your strengths and weaknesses when you do will help you to be honest with yourself, and others, about what you can offer the relationship, and what you expect in return.