15 Ways To Cleanse Your Mind And Your Life After Ending A Toxic Relationship

Being in a toxic relationship can negatively affect your mental health. You can doubt yourself, make yourself believe that you deserve it, and blame yourself for letting it happen. Engaging in this negative self-talk can be a slippery slope that continues to adversely affect your mental health. Instead, as tough as it can be, you should find ways to heal and cleanse your mind after ending the relationship.

Again, don’t beat yourself up — this happens to the best of us. It’s normal that you believed that a romantic relationship was going to work out in the beginning. You didn’t notice any red flags and thought the two of you were compatible. Or maybe you met someone who you thought was going to be your new BFF and they turned out to be a narcissist. Unfortunately, toxic signs can show up much later when the honeymoon phase of any type of relationship fades away — which sucks, because you’ve already invested so much time and energy.

Luckily, you don’t have to stay in a toxic relationship. While it can be incredibly hard to leave abusive partnerships, just know that it’s possible to leave something that no longer serves you. But, if you’ve already cut ties with the person who was making you feel crummy about yourself — first of all, congrats! — then you’re ready to take that next step to heal. However, if you don’t know where to begin, don’t worry, we got you. Below is a list of ways you can heal after ending a toxic relationship.

1. Recognize what happened.

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This is important.

When you’ve just gotten out of a toxic relationship, you’ll most likely dip in and out of denial. Were they really that bad? Was this all my fault? These are natural thoughts to have, but just because you have them doesn’t mean they’re true.

Facing this truth head-on will allow you to recognize how and why the relationship turned toxic in the first place. You may not work out an exact timeline of where and when things went south, but denying that the relationship was damaging will slow down your healing process.

2. Stop all possible contact with the person.

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You don’t need to be friends with them.

If you truly want to end this partnership, you need to say goodbye to your toxic friend or partner for good. That means unfriending them from social media, blocking or deleting their number, and removing any connection you may have with them.

Yes, this will be hard to do, but the only way you’ll be able to move forward is if you focus on yourself and your own thoughts, and not on theirs.

Unfortunately, sometimes you have to stay in contact with a toxic person.

If your toxic relationship is with someone who you absolutely cannot severe ties with — like if you share a child or you have a professional working relationship that cannot be cut — Psychology Today suggests staying in a “parallel” relationship. This means you are calm and cordial around them, but you still limit your contact as much as possible and set firm boundaries.

3. Reach out to your support group.

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Your friends and family will help you through this.

Remember one thing: You don’t have to do this alone. As scary as it can be to leave a toxic relationship, it doesn’t mean that you’re going to alone forever. According to Paired Life, this is an imperative time to surround yourself with people who truly care about your well-being.

Go out to dinner, ask if you can vent, or just see if they can spend the night while you adjust to being by yourself more often. While it might take time to heal, at least you’ll have people by your side as you learn a new normal.

4. Make your health a top priority.

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This is the time to be selfish.

And honestly, there is nothing wrong with that. You just went to a traumatic experience, and the last thing you should do is focus on someone else. According to Psychology Today, you should practice self-care, whether it’s exercising, journaling, or eating healthy.

Chronic emotional stress can lead to long-term mental health issues, so it’s imperative that you focus on your mental and physical health sooner rather than later.

5. Try not to think of yourself as a victim, but a survivor.

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This doesn’t have to be a part of your story.

Even when you end a toxic relationship, it can be hard to shake everything you went through. You may consider yourself to be a victim and pity yourself.

You’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to have mixed emotions about the end of this relationship. But you need to recognize which emotions are serving you and which ones are keeping you stuck.

It can be hard to get out of a victim mindset — but you can do it.

Staying in the victim mindset can prevent you from finding healthy romantic relationships in the future or trusting yourself. According to PsychCentral, you want to transition out of your victim mentality and go into a survivor mindset. This means seeing yourself as a strong person who’s capable of getting through anything.

6. Try not to allow feelings of regret or self-doubt.

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It’s natural if this does happen, though.

When you exit a toxic relationship for good, feelings of regret, self-doubt, and self-blame can bubble to the surface. According to Psychology Today, self-blame is a defensive mechanism we use to cover up our internal wounds. However, it’s important to remember why you left the partnership in the first place, no matter how compatible you two were seemingly together.

7. Focus on your interests.

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What did you love to do before you got into the relationship?

When you’re in the middle of a toxic partnership, it’s easy to lose yourself. You can forget what you like, don’t like, and what your goals are because all your attention was trying to fix something that was broken.

This is the time to start filling your “empty space” and finding your passion again, according to Tiny Buddha. You can write, go to a dance class, or try pottery for the first time. Do whatever you’ve been secretly wanting to do while you were in the relationship, because now you can invest your time into a healthy relationship — one with yourself.

8. Take time for yourself.

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You deserve it.

While you can (and should) surround yourself with friends and family during this trying time, that doesn’t mean you need to become an overnight social butterfly. If anything, this could be a good time to be alone to rediscover and love yourself.

According to Her Campus, this is a time to create a space for healing and love.

This means giving yourself permission to cry and feel sad. Listen or watch things that’ll help you through this process or internally repeat a mantra to remind yourself how to love your inner child. Your wounds are still healing, so don’t rush yourself through this process.

9. Surround yourself with positive people.

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Happy, happy, joy, joy.

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn said we are the average of the five people we associate with the most. This means that after you exit a toxic relationship, you need to surround yourself with folks who will lift you up — not people to just commiserate with. The last thing you need is someone to badmouth your former partner, question your worth, or provide unsolicited advice.

You are looking to rediscover the joy in your life.

During this time, you should be doing things that will bring you joy, whether that’s going to a sports game, hanging in the park, or going to the movies with some friends, according to Psychology Today. Doing these things will help alleviate stress, which is exactly what you need to do right now.

10. Consider what you need to let go of to heal.

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What do you need to say goodbye to?

This might be hard to do, but for you to properly heal, you need to focus on what you need to let go of. Do you need to let go of the idea that the relationship could work? Or that this partnership was going to be as good as it gets?

According to Psych Central, you should look at this like an onion and slowly peel back the layers of your emotions. By examining each layer, you can discover what no longer serves you and what you can let go of to move forward.

11. Ask yourself the tough questions.

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This is an important step.

When you begin to feel like you’re healing (again, remember: healing isn’t linear, and that’s okay!), you may want to examine the experience you went through to see what you can learn from it. For instance, Psychology Today suggests to ask yourself questions like, “What did I miss in the vetting process that I allowed this person into my life?” or “How can I grow from this experience–so it doesn’t repeat itself into a bad pattern?”

Remember to give yourself some time so you can answer these questions from a more objective standpoint. You don’t want to beat yourself up during this process; you won’t heal if you do.

12. Focus on the present, not the past.

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Never look back, darling, it distracts from the now.

While it might be tempting to dig in your past and beat yourself up, the only reason why you should be thinking about your toxic relationship is to grow from it, not fixate on it. One of the best ways you can do this is by reminding yourself that you can’t change people or the past. It happened, you learned, and it’s time to move on.

But don’t criticize yourself if you can’t help it; you’re human after all. Just be patient with yourself so you can learn to appreciate what that relationship has taught you, according to Thrive Global.

13. Forgive yourself.

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Stop being angry at yourself. You did nothing wrong.

This can be incredibly hard to do; however, you don’t need to live the rest of your life beating yourself over something that’s not meant to define you. Countless people have been through toxic relationships, just like you, and they have learned to forgive themselves and come back stronger than ever.

14. Start thinking about what you want out of a relationship.

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It’s time to start taking inventory.

Whenever you start to realize that you might want to jump back into the dating (or friendship) pool, be aware of what you want your next relationship to look like. Do you want someone who is focused on their career? Or someone who communicates clearly about what they want?

Identify your values and ask yourself how you want to feel when you’re with someone. This can help determine what you want out of your next relationship before you dive headfirst into the dating world.

15. Find a therapist.

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A professional can help.

If your health insurance or budget can allow it, find a therapist who can help you navigate the aftermath of ending a toxic relationship. Not only will they be able to help you build up your self-confidence again, but they can identify what you can learn from this relationship.

Don’t know where to start?

Leaving a toxic relationship can be overwhelming. If you feel lost or like you don’t have the support you need from friends and family, you can quickly look up a co-dependency support group on Psychology Today. If you are insured, you can also contact your insurance company and see what options you have with your plan. This might be the hardest step, but it is absolutely worth it.