Kids say the darndest things — really. When you’re younger, you think that your lies are airtight. Little do we know, our flawed thinking is pretty apparent to our parents and teachers. There are a lot of funny things students said,and they aren’t all wild stories about missing homework, eitehr.
Sometimes, the funny things students said weren’t lies. Sometimes it’s intricate stories, dreams, or elements of their imagination that come through. Kids are fascinating beings —they’re like sponges. They absorb everything, even weird asides and offhand comments… or lying tactics.
They also aren’t all that sure about how the world works and how to keep certain conversations private. Sometimes they might accidentally insult their teachers without realizing it.
It must be incredible to be a teacher and learn about a student’s home life based on gossip they’ve openly spilled. It’s important for students to be able to talk with their teacher if there’s ever anything bad happening — but, more often, teachers learn more about the quirks of their parents. Or, family secrets and other things that should be kept off-limits.
You can imagine that after teaching these kiddos every workday for a calendar year, teachers hear some pretty funny things. The teachers of Reddit shared some of the funny things students said in the classroom.
1. Paging Steve Rogers
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One student called out this Redditor for a fashion choice, and then some.
“Wore a Captain America shirt to school since the student council had a super hero day.”
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“A student said I looked like Captain America, before the injections.”
Hopefully, this student knew that the teacher would take a comment like this as a joke.
Teaching is a tough job that doesn’t allow a lot of “me time” for teachers. For those who get to go to the gym in-between extracurriculars and grading papers, more power to them.
And to be fair? It’s a pretty funny joke.
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If you ever need a good one-liner to tease a family member or close friend with, you might want to steal this one.
2. That’s Not My Name.
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One of the best things about growing up is realizing that accidentally calling your teacher “mom” is very normal. Especially if you have a caring elementary school teacher and are still somewhat new to the classroom scene.
But this teacher got called something stranger.
“Besides being called Mom numerous times, Ive been called Grandpa once. I’m female.”
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We all know this was a slip-of-the-tongue error.
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But it couldn’t have made this Redditor feel too good, either about her age or her appearance. Still, it could be a compliment. Perhaps the student’s grandpa is also someone this student looks up to.
3. What’s A Calendar?
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“One time I was asking students their birthdays. One boy told me that his birthday was September 31st. I tried to explain that this was not possible, but he insisted,” one Redditor begins.
“Later, I looked it up.”
“I then informed him that his birthday was November 17th. He looked at me kind of confused and said, ‘oooooh.'” It seemed like he understood he was wrong… but he didn’t.
“Then his face brightened and he said, ‘Well, last year I KNOW it was September 31st!”
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It’s tough to figure out if this kid was trying to make a joke that backfired, or if he was really confused as to what day he was born. Learning his age would probably be a key component in unlocking that mystery.
Maybe now he’s fully aware as to why he never actually got presents or cake in September.
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That, or maybe he just assumed November came before September.
4. The Most Confident Pre-K Student Ever
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One of the most awkward parts about being a teacher is taking all of students’ weird body questions and conversations in stride. After all, you don’t want to shame them for asking questions about their own body!
“A kid was squirming as we line up to go to lunch,” a teacher explains.
“I asked if he needed to go to the bathroom. He says no, but keeps squirming.” Most of the time, this means the kid really has to go, but for whatever reason doesn’t feel comfortable telling the teacher. That doesn’t seem to be the case here, though.
“I ask if he’s sure that he doesn’t need to go and if he’s okay.”
“His reply, ‘I’m okay. It’s just that my [member] is so big.’ He had an erection.”
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First off, kudos to this kid for not being embarrassed about the way his body functions.
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These things can happen to anyone, and they’re natural. But that doesn’t mean that it didn’t put his teacher in a weird situation.
Talking about it might be a little strange. So, the conversation was likely dropped.
Hopefully one day, similar chats regarding body parts will seem more natural, even in public. This kid was simply being observant.
5. Can’t Beat This Logic
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When you’re in school, you have to participate in a fair amount of Walk-A-Thons. But since it’s a concept that might literally be foreign to some, explaining it is rather tough.
“Here’s my absolute favorite story,” one teacher begins.
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“I had a student who was a newcomer (just moved tot he US, almost no English) from Lativa. The kid is very bright and was one of my favorite 6th graders ever.”
“We were having our annual jogathon”
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“Which is linguistically and culturally not translatable from Latvian.”
The student then asked the teacher, “So, I pay you and you make me run?” to which the teacher responded, “Yes, that’s actually how it goes.”
This kid managed to figure out how ridiculous of a concept they can be.
The student then said, “This is simple. I don’t pay you, you don’t make me run.” He had the teacher there!
Sure, it’s good to help a cause.
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And getting exercise is also great, especially on a nice day. But, maybe offer up more of a tangible reward for the kiddos?
6. A Future NASA Employee
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A very concerned student alerted this teacher of something strange in the sky. And the student in question was a sophomore in high school, or roughly 15 to 16 years old.
“One day, this girl was sitting at her desk, looking very concerned.”
“And obviously, she wanted to ask me something. Finally, she blurted out, ‘Did anybody else see the moon in the sky during lunch? It’s supposed to be out at night, something is wrong.”
We all have thoughts like this, but maybe if you’re that unsure — and everyone else around you doesn’t seem worried whatsoever — it’s a better question to Google than speak out loud.
The moon is visible during the day somewhat often. It’s more visible at night.
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But hey — if this inquiry sparks a sudden interest in astronomy, this student should feel blessed.
7. This Is What Older Sisters Are For
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Siblings — who needs them, right? This teacher had to deal with a panicked five-year-old because of something her older sister told her.
“I ran workshops over school holidays.”
” A little girl got her fingers stuck in the plastic netted holes of her chair. She didn’t tell me for two hours because apparently her big sister [8] sitting next to her said you never see people walking around stuck to chairs because they send them all to a big island.”
“Everyone who gets stuck in something is sent there,” said the older sister.
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Why? “Because it’s too hard to work or study anymore, the furniture they’re attached to gets in the way.” The teacher continued the saga, saying ” I found out because eventually the little girl needed to pee and she started crying and asking me not to take her away from her mom and dog, poor thing.”
It’s pretty obvious the older sister knew what she was doing.
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Maybe she’s been planning on a way to rid of her kid sister for some time now.
It’s unclear whether or not she knew the plan would backfire once getting the teacher involved.
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This is just another sad part of childhood — fearing that you’d be sent away from your parents based on getting your finger stuck somewhere.
8. Asking Clarifying Questions
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This math professor asked a standard question – and a student answered with a zinger.
“I finished a proof and [wanted to] check understanding”
“So I asked, ‘does everyone understand my choices?’ One of my favorite students ever piped up and said, “Are we talking about your proof or how you’ve chosen to live your life?
It takes a very special student to pipe in with a response like this.
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And to be honest, it’s pretty funny. Who knows what would have happened next if the professor went along with it and asked about his life choices?
This is just proof that sometimes, learning can be a lot of fun.
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You just need to make sure you register for the classes with the funny people.
9. The Potty Mouth
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Listen. Any time a small child curses, it is objectively hilarious. And this story from a Reddit teacher is proof.
“I work with toddlers.”
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“During lunch one day, one child was kicking another under the table. [The first child] says, ‘stop kicking me.’ [The second child] continues to kick the first kid.” The first kid once again asks for the other to stop kicking, but his pleas go unheard.
“Stop motherf**ker!”
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That’s how the kid got his classmate to stop kicking. “My coteacher and I about died trying not to laugh,” the teacher continued. “His dad thought it was hilarious when I told him. He said he yells it at people in traffic too.:
Nobody wants to be the parent of the kid who knows a few choice curse words.
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But, it takes a person of steel to avoid laughing when a toddler happens to shout one out in the middle of a fight.
At least the parents took responsibility for this one.
There’s nothing worse than a mom or dad who tries to blame the habit on someone else. Fingers crossed this kid got talked to afterward. They shouldn’t have been kicked, but they also shouldn’t have broken out the expletives.
10. Attendance Check
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This teacher wasn’t sure if a student was in class the previous day. When the teacher asked the student if they were present, they gave a surprising answer.
“Student, sounding more lost than anything and probably answering too honestly: ‘Physically…?'”
“It wasn’t so much an attempt at humor as just the summation of how we all felt in that class, one of those, “it’s funny because it’s too true’ things… we all were showing up, we were all sitting in the class physically… but being there? That was another question,” the teacher joked,
We’ve all had days like this before.
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Whether it’s at school or at work, sometimes our minds just tend to wander. It’s common. But, responding that way was probably unexpected, making this exchange even funnier.
Kids get spaced out a lot, just like the rest of us do.
They might not be thinking about rent and bills, but they’ve got plenty of other important things on their mind — like, how to balance homework and video games.
11. Let’s Talk Ham
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Teachers are usually more than happy to help out students with any question, even if it’s technically not their subject. This math teacher had a very bizarre question from a 13-year-old student.
“I know this isn’t math, but I can’t remember…”
“… is ham a fruit or a vegetable?”
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There’s a slim chance that this student might have been thinking about ham and pineapple, as in, the popular pizza topping. Otherwise, they’re in for a rude awakening down the line.
And, speaking of pizza…
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Another one of this teacher’s students referred to Leonardo da Vinci as “the pizza guy,” and referred to his painting “The Last Supper” as “the pizza party!” Maybe Leonardo was really into pizza, whose to say.
12. Just Like In The Wizard Of Oz
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As an educator, you’re supposed to believe that there is no such thing as a dumb question. This one student’s question, however, might be an exception to that rule.
“I had a student ask me when the world stopped being in black and white and changed to color.”
“He was 16.”
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It’s easy to think this when you’re younger, especially if you’ve seen a ton of black-and-white photos and movies. But that is film — not real life.
Once again, this is one of those things that this kid should have Googled instead of spoken out loud.
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It is kind of fun to imagine that one day, everyone just woke up and everything around them had changed. It’s oddly optimistic.
13. This One Time At Band Practice
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We know how much of their own money teachers have to put into their work. We also know that sometimes school budgets can be restrictive, as this band teacher knows all too well.
“One day I’m working with high school jazz band.”
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“And we’re going to start mapping out some basic compositions. I pass out blank sheet music for them to use, which is simply blank 5-line staves with no notes, no symbols, etc.”
“One kid gets his sheet music expecting it to be a new song.”
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Once the student saw the sheet music was blank, he said, “Wow, budget cuts must’ve hit us hard, huh?”
This might be one of the funniest responses so far, especially for teachers. In so many schools, important extracurriculars like band and the school paper are getting the cut, often in favor of sports.
This observational one-liner must have made the band teacher crack up.
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Let’s just say that without actual sheet music, parades involving high school marching bands would be uncomfortably silent.
14. Taking A Deep Breath
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When they’re younger, students are all about hugging their teachers. This educator got some hilarious feedback after receiving a hug.
“A student hugged me goodbye, taking in a deep inhale as they did.”
“They then smiled up at me lovingly and said, ‘Your shirt smells like a grandma, but your armpits smell like Chuck-E-Cheese.”
Maybe this kid was being honest.
After all, Chuck-E-Cheese’s might be the best place in the world in their eyes, thus making this weird comment an awkward compliment.
And, maybe this teacher just happens to use the same fabric softener as his grandmother.
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No matter what, she had a homey (not homely) aroma.
15. Preparing For Battle
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This lunch lady has likely seen her fair share of strange students, but this one takes the cake.
“One of my favorite little kindergarten girls was getting ready to run out to recess.”
“I stopped her and said, ‘Hannah, you should wash your face before you go out – there’s spaghetti sauce all over it.’ She took off anyway screaming, “It’s my war paint!”
Sometimes spaghetti sauce isn’t just spaghetti sauce to a kid.
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It’s a fun way to stand out and help you pretend. And it helps you do fake battle, apparently.
Unless it was picture day, there’s no harm letting her wear sauce on her face for just a little longer — right?
It does make you question some of the movies she might watch at home during summer break, and how she learned about war paint in the first place.
16. That’s Gross, Tyler.
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Sometimes, no matter how good of a teacher you are, you crack. That’s what happened to this teacher when a student complained to her about a peer.
“I can usually keep a straight face, but this one time I lost it.”
“This girl (4th grade) comes up to me complaining, “Tyler took my book and rubbed it on his butt and then gave it back to me.”
“I cackled right in this poor kid’s face.”
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“I admire her for asking, ‘well, are you going to do anything about it?’ I sobered up quickly and dealt with Tyler.
The truly funny part about this whole exchange is that for a brief second, this Redditor forgot that their job was, literally, not to side with Tyler. Good thing they figured that out quickly.
As for Tyler? Smooth move, but it’s not a good way to earn respect.
Tyler might have forgotten about his action by now, but it’s surely burned into his teacher’s mind forever.
17. Knowing True Power
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Sometimes, power is not in physical strength or job title. It’s formed by getting people to do what you want them to do at the drop of a hat. This educator was doing some vocabulary work when a student came up with a clever definition.
“My first grade class was learning the word powerful.”
“Kids came up with examples of powerful things and people, like elephants and Superman.” So far, makes sense, right?
Then one boy raised his hand and gave his answer.
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“Babies are powerful because they can cry and get whatever they want.” Hey, he’s not wrong!
There’s something in this response that also makes it seem like he knows from firsthand experience.
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So, for the kid out there who’s frustrated by his little brother or sister right now? Don’t worry. It’ll get better.
18. Finding An Alternate Answer
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You’ve probably seen this one, or at least something similar, before. A teacher presented this word problem to her students.
“A man has to get a fox, a chicken, and a sack of corn across the river.”
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“He has a rowboat, and i can only carry him and one other thing. If the fox and the chicken are left together, the fox will eat the chicken. If the chicken and the corn are left together, the chicken will eat the corn. How does the man do it?”
Trying to figure out the answer for yourself? It requires a ton of return trips.
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First, the man brings the chicken. Then, he brings the fox — but takes the chicken back on his return trip. Then he brings the corn, and lastly, the chicken makes it over again.
This student came up with a different solution.
“Let the chicken eat the corn, and let the fox eat the chicken. Then bring the fox over.” Well, no one said anything about the chicken and the corn making it out alive!
19. Choose Your Words Wisely
Teachers, don’t forget. Words have meaning. Even small words. And if there’s a kid that’s about to get into trouble, they might use them against you – like they did with this teacher.
“Teaching Grade 5”
“Students were fooling around during group work so I said sarcastically, ‘Do I need to stand here and watch you do your work?”
The student came back with an equally sarcastic remark.
“Well, you don’t have to stand, you can grab a chair and sit.” Talk about being gutsy.
It’s hard not to laugh at this one, because this student took all the power from her teacher in a hilarious way.
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Who knows what happened next. Maybe the teacher called her out on it and pulled up a chair.
20. Something Smells Funny
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This is just proof that one sentence can be taken in two different ways, but it’s also a reminder that toddlers are adorable.
The teacher wanted to give their pre-k student a reward.
“Asking one of the children which one of the stickers [they wanted] as a reward for going potty. She wanted a strawberry sticker, which we had just run out of.”
“Sorry, but how does a lemon sticker sound?”
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After presenting her the option, another child “spoke up from the back looking terribly worried, “Mr. N, I don’t know what sound a lemon makes.”
At the very least, all of the kids got stickers.
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That’s the most important part.
Are you a teacher who’s heard some funny things students said? We’re all ears.
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