Billie Eilish Shared How Fame Has Had A Huge Impact On Her Mental Health

What is the price of fame? For some people, it’s shelling out thousands of dollars on demos to get their song heard by the right people while, for others, it’s losing their right to privacy. For 17-year-old pop star Billie Eilish, the cost of celebrity has impacted another part of her life.

Billie Eilish was just 14 when the song “Ocean Eyes” took her from being a regular teenager to being a viral sensation. “One of my teachers asked if I would either write a song or have my brother write a song to choreograph a dance to,” she told Teen Vogue. “Then, my brother came to me with ‘Ocean Eyes,’ which he had originally written for his band. He told me he thought it would sound really good in my voice.”

The release of her debut album, When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? this year, made Billie a global superstar. In her first interview with Rolling Stone, she confessed that despite realizing her dream, that just like other celebrities, it had taken a toll on her mental health.

Billie’s Debut Album Broke Records Worldwide

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Her debut album, released in March 2019, has already amassed over 2 billion streams.

She is the first artist with a chart-topping album to be born this millennium. The record’s most successful song, “Bad Guy,” spent 17 weeks on the Billboard 100 and peaked at the number 2 position.

Now She’s Made Her Rolling Stone Cover Debut

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The cover and accompanying photographs were shot by New York-based artist, Petra Collins.

She has taken pictures of stars such as Issa Rae, SZA, Cardi B, Frank Ocean, and more.

And The Interview Got Really Candid

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Billie was frank about how she’s still figuring things out.

According to the interview, a few weeks ago, Billie broke out in rashes and the doctor’s diagnosis was that her body was screaming out for some rest and relaxation.

But It Was One Particularly Scary Moment That Made Billie Feel Unsafe

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Recently, the young singer’s home address was leaked online.

People began showing up at her house and it led the star to start sleeping in her living room with a security guard present. “It was really traumatizing,” Eilish admitted. “I completely don’t feel safe in my house anymore, which sucks. I love my house.”

Billie Also Revealed How She Feels About Touring

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The interview detailed Billie and her family packing for a month-long tour.

Turns out Billie doesn’t look forward to touring at all. She doesn’t like being away from her friends and home for a long time. “It’s annoying,” she says. “I have this amazing thing in front of me, and I don’t want to hate it. And I don’t hate it. But I hate certain parts of it.”

And She’s Had A Hard Time Sleeping

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Since being catapulted to global success, Billie’s nightmares have gotten worse.

“I actually had to stop watching horror movies, because everything started flipping me out,” she told Rolling Stone. “I saw creatures outside my windows. I had sleep paralysis. I’m done with the fake shit — real life is way too scary.”

Despite Loving The Spotlight, Fame Has Been Hard

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Billie revealed that fame and attention aren’t interchangeable.

“I’ve loved attention my whole life but I don’t think anyone knows what fame actually is. Because if I did want to be famous — it wasn’t this kind.”

The Lonelier Moments Have Caused Her To Break Down

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Billie went through a tough time where she hated being by herself.

“Every time I was alone, I would break down and kind of crumble,” she confessed. “It got to the point where my friend would say, ‘I’m going home, see you,’ and I’d get this feeling in my stomach like a knife being twisted around. I felt unsafe with myself, even for an hour.”

She also mentioned her history of self-harm

“I don’t trust myself when I’m alone.”

Billie has Tourette Syndrome and Synesthesia

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When she was a child, she was diagnosed with Tourette’s, and her tics range from bulging her eyes and twitching her head to one side.

And she also experiences synesthesia, which is defined as “a neurological condition that causes the brain to process data in the form of several senses at once.” Some people experience seeing colors, and that’s precisely what Billie experiences. “Every person I know has their own color and shape and number in my head, but it’s normal to me,” she says. Apparently, her brother Finneas, who she writes and produces with, is an orange triangle, although his name is dark green. And the song “Bad Guy” “is yellow, but also red, and the number seven,” she told Rolling Stone. “It’s not hot, but warm, like an oven. And it smells like cookies.”

She’s Now Seeking Help And Getting Better

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And it’s really helping her cope and find the tools to deal with the scarier side of fame.

After seeing a therapist she’s slowly starting to feel better. Describing the tougher times, she mentions it felt never ending: “It was literally just a week — but it was so intense it feels like a whole year of my life I’m talking about right now. It was just a completely random week of bursting misery.”

And When Billie Feels Clearer She Can Relish Her Good Fortune

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“I have an amazing job, dude. I really do. The things I get to do in my career have just been unbelievable. Like this sh*t, bro? Can you believe this is real?”