15 Hilarious Lies Your Parents Told You As A Child
Being a parent is tough work and from time to time you just have to resort to a white lie or two. But do you ever get the feeling that some moms and dads go a little bit too far for their own entertainment? Sure, some lies are necessary to protect a child’s innocence, but others are used to make sure that kids stay in line and behave! How do you get them to eat vegetables? How do you get them to not lie? What can you do to convince them to do their homework? Parents always know best!
Plus, kids tend to ask a lot of questions and aren’t satisfied until you have an answer for them–especially when it comes to some of life’s trickier issues. So chances are that embellished truths, creative answers, and biased advice may have been a big part of your own childhood— but don’t worry, you’re not alone. Here are some of the best white lies parents told that may have gotten a little out of hand (admit it, you probably would have told some of them, too!).
Reddit users shared the funniest lies their parents told them growing up and these are our absolute favorites!
1. A Creative Way To Limit Time Spent In Front Of The TV
Finding effective ways to keep your kids away from screens is an issue all parents face, especially these days. But finding a way to make children actually believe that things only work at certain times? Genius! We wonder if the parents had to avoid watching television themselves to keep this little white lie going. Either way, this would have made rainy days very exciting for these kids growing up.
Still, some struggles with technology may require a helping hand.
Little lies like this can mean the difference between making memories with your kids and just passively posting up in front of the TV every day.
2. How Do You Get Your Kids In Bed Early On New Year’s Eve?
Do you remember what New Year’s Eve was like as a kid? Staying up until midnight felt like unlocking a new level in a game! It was exciting, naughty, and felt so special. But for most parents, dealing with sleepy and grumpy kids isn’t the ideal way to bring in the new year. The solution? These parents harnessed the power of different time zones to get their kids in bed early while still ensuring that everyone was able to enjoy the countdown guilt-free.
Kids’ skewed sense of time occasionally comes in handy.
Besides Christmas, New Year’s Eve is one of the most exciting times of the year, so you can hardly blame kids for wanting to be a part of it!
3. The Tooth Fairy Requires A Lot Of Creative Thinking
Employing a tooth fairy requires a lot of organization and efficiency, and sometimes even the most prepared parents drop the ball. Curious children make for the best detectives and if anything is even the slightest bit off, from the amount of money left behind to whether the tooth was taken at all, it can rouse their suspicions. Since parents are “in charge” of the specifics of the tooth fairy’s lore, kids can’t really call their bluff when it comes to her sense of smell. Looks like they got away with this one.
This dad was just thinking on his feet, but some users thought it was a little creepy.
“I just imagined some kid having a nightmare in which the tooth fairy was smelling his teeth and he woke his whole family up with screams of ‘No tooth fairy! Stop smelling my teeth!'”
4. Some Parents Took The Law Into Their Own Hands
Growing up, a lot of kids share the fear of one thing: the police. And even if we had decided we weren’t going to follow any of the rules our parents had set out for us, we were surely going to do everything in our power to stay out of kiddie jail. Parents will often try to spook their kids into behaving, but if parents can get the police do all the work for them, why not lean into it a bit more?
And serendipitous moments like these, where everything just happens to fall together perfectly, are enough to make a kid behave for years!
Most parents won’t be so lucky, but we can definitely get behind resorting to a little white lie to keep your child safe crossing the road.
5. Why Are Hurricanes Only Named After Women?
Kids ask the darnedest questions, and you better be prepared to come up with some pretty impressive answers on the fly. As youngsters begin to discover the world, they have a ton of questions and the older they get the harder they are to satisfy. From the mundane to the illogical, we really can’t knock this kid for wondering the same thing we’ve all asked ourselves at some point. In fact, from 1953 to 1979, U.S. hurricanes were actually only named after women!
Kids believe their parents have all the answers, after all.
And after putting all their trust in their parents, it’s no surprise that some kids are scratching their heads, wondering where all the “himicanes” are.
6. Investing In A Penguin To Keep The House Running Smoothly
As an adult, keeping the fridge closed is just part of life, but as a kid, it was an extra step that many of us considered to be optional. As a parent, “keep the door shut,” might not be enough to convince a little one to do the right thing and keep the food from going bad, so inventing a particularly grumpy house penguin is a great idea— until someone wants to meet him.
Kids really do love animals, even the snappy ones.
While this little white lie worked on one child, the other just wanted to pet the penguin, and can you blame them?
7. Santa’s Always Watching
Everyone tried staying up to catch Santa in the act at least a few times growing up. But did you ever wonder how he knew who was being naughty or nice? Were your parents snitching on you or was it something else? This seems like an expensive and messy tactic, but telling kids Christmas trees are spy apparatuses is one way to convince kids to behave during the holiday months.
Does this mean Santa received multiple sets of milk and cookies?
Trying to work out the logistics of each of those Christmas trees is enough to make your head spin, but it may also have given those parents the greatest gift of all— well-behaved children.
8. And If You’re Naughty He Won’t Be Giving Out Coal
These days, coal is like a mythical rock to most kids because who on earth walks around carrying coal? Some might even think it’s a cool, rare oddity! So these parents devised a great plan to actually get their kids to be nice, rather than naughty, by telling them if they were bad they would get reindeer poop instead of presents in their stockings.
Sometimes you just need to think like a kid!
Tweaking common myths and little lies so that they are relevant to this generation is a genius move.
9. Why Do We Need Bellybuttons?
Do you remember looking at your body as a child and wondering what all these bells and whistles were for? Bellybuttons are these strange little holes that appear to do nothing, so how do you keep kids from poking at it? By telling them it’s connected to their butts! Okay, maybe this grandpa told this little white lie for his own amusement more than as a preventative lesson, but let’s be honest no one wants to risk losing their butt.
Even another user attested to the credibility of this lie.
“That’s actually not that inaccurate. The navel holds all the organs in some kind of sack. If you damage it your organs will be loose.”
10. Parent-Only Treats
Kids are endlessly curious and sometimes you need to go to some pretty epic lengths to keep them out of your stash. Just by saying that they’re for mommy and daddy may make your food that much more irresistible, so what do you do? Tell them it’s something weird and gross! Calling pomegranate juice “camels blood” may just work (for a little while at least) and keep kids from developing an expensive juice habit.
But this doesn’t always work…
While grossing out your kids to keep them away from things that may be a little funny to them, it may totally backfire and instead make them that much more intrigued.
11. Some Lies Parents Told Were About Keeping Their Innocence Alive
Driving down the highway may inspire endless bouts of “are we there yet” or restlessness in the backseat. But how do you go about explaining something as sad as roadkill to someone who tears up at Disney movies? This dad came up with the gentlest little lie to keep his kids from getting too sad or upset over roadkill.
12. Grandmas Love Messing Around
Parents do love telling little white lies for their own amusement sometimes (can we blame them?), but grandparents especially love to have a laugh at their grandchildren’s expense. We’re not even sure why this grandma told these kids at Christmas to smell each other’s farts, but we can’t help but get behind her.
Convincing a kid that something unappealing will make them stronger is a surefire way to make them do anything!
If you’re stuck with figuring out a way to get them to eat vegetables, clean up their room, or even go to bed early, remember that every kid wants to be bigger and stronger. Just maybe don’t convince them to smell each other’s farts!
13. Dealing With Dead Pets
Buying a pet for your kids can teach them a lot of valuable lessons about responsibility, caring for others, and mortality. But sometimes the latter lesson is best to be postponed for when they’re a little older. Still some parents would like to avoid explaining death entirely. The solution? Immortal pets!
Most parents have to deal with the death of a pet at some point.
Whether Spot gets sent to live out the rest of his days on a farm or you’ve found yourself with an especially mature fish, parents tend to be the most creative when it comes to the fate of their pets.
14. If Astronauts Eat It, So Will They
Fruits and vegetables are a kid’s worst nightmare. And getting kids to eat them often requires a little creative flair. Astronauts are likely the coolest people on the face of the earth (and other planets) when it comes to kids, so if they’re eating up there in space eating their veggies, chances are your kids will follow suit.
A little marketing genius goes a long way!
15. Sometimes, Even The Best Lies Parents Told Just Won’t Work
Some of the lies parents told to their kids will be destroyed in the face of a child’s infinite curiosity. While it’s tempting to tell a kid that your favorite dessert (which you very much want to keep to yourself) is made out of poop, bugs, or blood chances are they’ll still want to try it anyway. If you have more than one kid, they will dare each other endlessly until one of them finally eats your delicious treat and thinks they have a penchant for grasshoppers. So tricky parents, beware!