Let’s get real — dating kinda sucks. It’s okay, we admit it too. Modern-day dating has become a veritable minefield of swiping, liking, and sliding into DM’s. With the rise of technology it makes sense that dating practices have updated a bit as well. Nowadays it is becoming harder and harder to meet in real life with the rise of dating apps.
According to the Pew Research Center, almost 40% of people now meet online. (We’re personally missing the days of gentlemen callers when apparently a gal could just sit at home and wait for a strapping young man to knock on the door.)
Now, if a girl wants to find her Prince Charming she better have a killer profile photo, a witty bio, and some pixie dust.
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With all of the recent changes in dating culture, changes in behaviors and lingo have inevitably followed suit. But how do you keep on top of all of these new dating trends? Don’t worry we’ve got you covered. Some, like ghosting, you’re probably already familiar with (though we hope you haven’t experienced).
Others are more niche, and to be honest a bit cringey. Stashing? Really? And some, we have to admit we’re guilty of ourselves.
One last thing — it’s easy to get overwhelmed with dating sometimes, and even worse down on yourself. So no matter how many of these trends you’ve fallen prey to, keep in mind that you’re beautiful, completely deserving on love, and your person is out there. We promise.
Ghosting
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*Sigh* The only ghost we want in our lives is Casper, but there is nothing friendly about this dating trend.
Ghosting is when the person you’re dating suddenly stops all communication with no warning. Texts will be ignored, phone calls not answered, and you’ll never get an explanation as to why it happened. This might be the original millennial dating trend. It’s also completely based on technology.
We have to say that this is quite literally the worst behavior.
We’re not sure who raised these people, but it is not how you deal with conflict. What happens to them? We like to think they just got beamed up to their home planet. (What? It could happen.)
Whatever the reason just know that the problem probably wasn’t you and that they likely are serial ghosters.
Also, keep in mind that any person who thinks it’s ok to just leave someone hanging like that probably (and we mean definitely) wouldn’t make a good partner in the long run. Think about it. Do you really want to marry someone who might just vanish when they’re out for a pizza?
Bird Boxing
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One of the newest dating trends garnered its name from Netflix’s Bird Box, and honestly it’s pretty accurate.
However, the concept isn’t new. The term bird boxing refers to when someone is blind to how awful their significant other is.
Have you been bird boxing before? Sometimes the red flags can be hard to spot.
It might be something small, like they never pick up the check, or maybe that person just doesn’t treat you all that well.
Chances are if all of your friends and family don’t like them then you have your blinders up to a certain degree. Admit it, you know they want what’s best for you. Now, don’t pull a Sandra, rip that blindfold off!
Orbiting
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Ok, so, it’s a Friday night and you’re out with your girlfriends wearing that cute new crop top with the floral pattern.
You saunter up to the bar to order your second (fine, third) drink and you think to yourself “might as well check who has watched my Insta story.”
Then you see it. The guy who ghosted you? He watched it.
*Cue confusion* Well, we’re here to tell you the ugly truth, it’s called orbiting.
Yes, this a real thing.
The term was coined by Anna Iovine in an article she wrote for Man Repeller. According to the New York Times it’s more common than you might think, and way more frustrating. In her article Iovine describes it saying, “I dubbed it ‘orbiting’ during a conversation with my colleague Kara, when she poetically described this phenomenon as a former suitor ‘keeping you in their orbit’ — close enough to see each other; far enough to never talk.”
We don’t know about you, but that hits us a little too close to home.
Each time an ex or a ghost of relationships past pops up with a random “like” on a photo we’re suddenly calling our friends trying to dissect what it means, and what they “want.”
While it’s totally normal to feel this way, it’s definitely not the healthiest. Best way to get rid of them haunting you is to finally unfollow them on all social media. We know it’s hard, but let’s be real, can you really ever get over a ghost?
Curving
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Have you ever tried to make plans with someone and been curved?
The answer is probably yes — and you may not have even known it. Curving is another dating trend that’s relatively new to the scene. It happens when a person keeps talking to you, but refuses to nail down solid plans.
Each time you try to suggest hanging out in person they’re busy, or are buried under work, or worst case scenario, they avoid answering the question all together.
Let’s face it, chances are they are glued to their phone, saw the text, and chose not to respond.
We hate to break it to you, but that date is never going to happen. They are just terrible at communication and keep putting off the ever uncomfortable rejection. Our advice is not to sit around and wait for someone to finally give you the time of day. You’re worth way more than that.
Benching
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For those of you who played sports growing up, benching should seem pretty familiar.
Being on the bench both in games and dating is never an ideal place to be.
Benching is when someone your dating has you in their rotation, but isn’t interested enough to fully commit.
You might hangout with them sporadically but every time you mention exclusivity they likely change the subject.
According to Women’s Health benching can be healthy since it is common to date around. However “swiping culture” can also lead to the idea that something better is always on the horizon. Be wary of people who expect all of the aspects of a full-fledged relationship, but without any of the strings. Trust us, it’s just not worth the time spent wasting if they’ll ever finally wise up.
Breadcrumbing
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In the age old tale of Hansel and Gretel, the two children leave a trail of breadcrumbs to find their way back home through the woods.
Instead a bunch of animals end up following the trail and eating the fallen bread. This concept has worked its way into the modern dating scene with breadcrumbing. The basic idea is the same which is stringing someone along.
A person might throw a like your way, send a flirty text out of nowhere, or try to casually suggest a non-committal plan.
It probably leaves you with that little glimmer of hope that maybe things will finally pan out. Unfortunately breadcrumbers normally know what they’re doing, and that trail of little crumbs will never lead you to a full meal.
Kittenfishing
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We all know what catfishing is, heck, there’s even a widely popular MTV show about it, but kittenfishing is its less intimidating sibling.
The term was coined by Hinge and means when someone uses photos that are old or edited. It also goes for bios too. (We’re looking at you guys with dogs who claim they love rom-coms.)
They might not be flat out lying about their identity, but they’re definitely keeping you in the dark about who they really are.
This can also lead to the crushing disappointment of showing up for a first date all excited, and realizing your match is starting to bald, and like 20 pounds heavier.
Gatsbying
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Remember in ‘The Great Gatsby’ when he throws lavish parties in the hopes that Daisy will come?
Throughout most of the book Gatsby is trying with all his might to get her attention. The classic tale is thought by some one of the most romantic love stories of all time. To others it could be considered an important lesson in boundaries, or you know, stalking.
Regardless of where you fall, you might be surprised to know a similar trend has worked its way into dating culture, and it’s called gatsbying.
At its core, the trend is trying to get the attention of a crush using social media. And we confess to doing this, a lot. Imagine having a fun night out with friends, and constantly updating your Insta story with pics and videos of your fun escapes. Normal right? Have you ever done it hoping that one certain person will see?
Yup, you’re a regular Jay Gatsby.
Sharing photos of your totally fabulous life is basically watching for the green light from across the lake. The good news is this trend is pretty harmless, as long as it doesn’t take over your life. Cheers to finding your Daisy!
Zombieing
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Zombieing could be described as ghosting 2.0.
A zombie is someone who once ghosted you but texts you out of the blue after an extended period of time. Normally it’s a casual text like nothing ever happened. “Hey stranger, how have you been?”
Sound familiar?
And, why does it always seem to happen right when you finally moved on from them? We swear there has to be some sort of radar. You’ve seen all the movies and TV shows. No good can come from zombies. We’ve all thought about what we’d do in a zombie apocalypse. We suggest you follow suit, steer clear of the walking relationships undead.
Stashing
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You’ve done the impossible, you’ve managed to find someone you actually like, and you two are dating.
*Cue the choir* There’s only one problem — they’re stashing you. Stashing is when the person you’re dating doesn’t introduce you to friends or family. They also never post about you on social media.
Essentially to the outside world you don’t exist.
The term was coined by Metro UK’s Ellen Scott in a piece she wrote. Most believe the habit stems from the person not being that invested in the relationship. If you’re dating a stasher, don’t jump ship just yet, but try to make moves to become more a part of their lives and social circle. If they don’t open up to the idea, might be best to find someone who will.