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15 Hilariously Confusing Celeb-Owned Products That Completely Flopped

Nina KahnBy
061217 jessica simpson dessert lead
061217 jessica simpson dessert lead

Remember the days when famous people just made money doing the things they were famous for? You know, like actors acting? Singers singing? Models modeling? Yeah, me neither.

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For as long as I can remember, the rich and famous have appeared to be hungry for the opportunity to make some extra cash through product endorsements. I, for example, spent countless allowance coins on official Spice Girls merchandise (everything from school notebooks and pen sets to lollipops and dolls) during my youth.

In my teens, I owned both a Britney Spears and Paris Hilton branded perfume (the cupcake-y, headache-inducing “Fantasy” by Britney was my signature scent for years post-adolescence). Rarely did I consider why on earth a super group like Spice Girls would care so much about having their own signature lollipops, or why a pop star like Britney Spears would feel compelled to become a mogul in the women’s fragrance world, but hey.

When it comes to celebrity product launches and endorsements, perfumes are basically the norm. But when celebs start veering off into unknown territory, things can get ugly — because if it’s not a match made in heaven, it’s probably a match made in hell. Some celebs have made some pretty questionable (and seemingly not-very-profitable) decisions when it comes to launching products under their own brand. Whether driven by actual passion for a product unrelated to their field of work or simply the capitalist desire to acquire a few bonus paychecks depends on the situation — but in either case, things can (and do!) get a lil’ bit embarrassing.

Check out some of the strangest and least-successful celebrity endorsements imaginable that will make you beg your favorite celebs to just please, stay in their own lane.

1. Ja Rule’s Fyre Festival Fiasco

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Um, yikes, this was bad. If you haven’t already seen one of the many documentaries on the mind-blowing disaster that was Fyre Festival, now’s your time to start (trust me, it’s addicting.)

Unfortunately, 2000s-era hip hop artist Ja Rule put his name all over this mess-tival.

What was marketed as a “luxury music festival” in 2017 turned out to be a Lord Of The Flies-esque near-emergency situation. Festival-goers — some who’d spent thousands of dollars on tickets and packages — expected an exclusive island full of decked-out villas and cabanas, delicious catered meals, and a bangin’ line-up of musical artists. Instead, they showed up to a horrific scene of disaster relief tents, rain-soaked mattresses, and close to zilch in the way of organization, water, and food.

As a surprise to no one, organizers were allegedly hit with multi-million dollar class-action lawsuits.

But Ja Rule got lucky — as of July 2019, the civil suit against him was reportedly dismissed, leaving him free from legal consequences for now.

2. Jessica Simpson’s ‘Dessert Beauty’ Edible Make-Up Line

In the most bizarrely early 2000’s move ever, Jessica Simpson and her team apparently thought it was a good idea for the singer and reality TV star to launch a line of… edible make-up and body products? These included things like edible body shimmers, whipped body creams, and something called a “belly button love potion,” whatever the heck that means.

I don’t know why anyone thought edible make-up and body products were necessary, but it really happened.

Sadly for Simpson, the line was discontinued after several apparent lawsuits, according to Bustle, so we can all breathe a collective sigh knowing that the world simply wasn’t ready for this concept.

3. Two Words: Trump Steaks

I think the name really says it all on this one: Donald Trump sold a line of, yes, actual steak.

The cuts of meat were apparently sold for a brief period of time in 2007 via, strangely enough, the home shopping channel QVC and electronics company Sharper Image. Not the type of places I’d typically buy dinner ingredients, but I digress. This wasn’t the first or the last time Trump would attempt to shill a food or beverage item with his name on it, but it’s odd nonetheless.

4. One Direction Pez Dispensers

A small, chalky piece of candy from the head of your favorite boy band member, anyone?

https://twitter.com/BetterOffTommo/status/545984687383257089

When you’re one of the biggest boy bands of the decade, what do you do? Well, apparently you have your likeness created in plastic, candy-dispensing form for charity, that’s what.

In 2013, One Direction launched official Pez dispensers to raise money for Red Nose Day.

While we certainly applaud their humanitarian efforts, we’re also slightly confused about the vehicle they chose to do so through.

5. Heidi Klum’s ‘My Favorite Candies’

Apparently there was a gaping hole in the gummy candy industry that Heidi Klum felt compelled to fill.

Very unclear as to why — on top of her work as a highly-paid supermodel and host of Project Runway — Klum chose to launch a line of candies, but she did.

“My Favorite Candies,” apparently featured gummies that were cheekily known as “Fruit Flirtations.” The packaging for the 100% fat free gummies depicts an image of Klum herself, perhaps as a way to encourage more people to try the candies, and the gummies come in different shapes based on emoticons. Yummy? About that, we’re not sure. Bizarre, though? Absolutely.

6. Mary Kate & Ashley Aquafresh Toothpaste

Is anyone surprised that the Olsen twins’ insane empire at one point included their very own toothpaste?

I’m not. If you grew up in the ’90s, then you know that Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen (better known as the Olsen twins) were absolutely everywhere. The sisters, who were apparently multi-millionaires before they even turned 18, starred in countless movies and endorsed a slough of products. But their strangest to date was probably the official Aquafresh toothpaste they launched in 2003. It’s actually still on Amazon, albeit unavailable at the time of this post, in case you’re interested in keeping tabs.

7. Hanson Brothers Beer Company

Yes, we’re talking about those Hanson brothers.

Beer may not be the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the trio of long-haired, underage brothers who took the tweeny, bubblegum pop scene by storm in the mid ’90s with their hit “MMMBop.” But guess what? Those boys are all grown up now, and in addition to still producing music as a band, they also have their own line of beer.

The name of their Pale Ale? Mmmhops.

Not gonna lie, it’s pretty clever. Unlike some of the bizarre, off-kilter celeb side projects featured here, this one isn’t a flop! It’s just weird.

8. Nelly’s Pimp Juice Energy Drink

OK, so you might remember Nelly’s classic single “Pimp Juice” blaring through your boombox speakers circa 2002, yes? If not, here’s a video to refresh your memory:

But “Pimp Juice” wasn’t just a hit song for Nelly. The following year, he launched a literal energy drink under the same name.

It’s true. The non-carbonated canned beverage — which, according to VICE, marketed itself as “Hip Hop’s #1 Energy Drink” — launched in 2003 and was named for Nelly’s hit single. The drink claims to provide a daily dose of vitamins and still has a listing on Amazon — although, I’ll note, the product is currently unavailable.

This artificially-colored, black-light-glowing drink caused some controversy, too.

Reverend Paul Scott, who heads up the Messianic Afrikan Nation, shared his thoughts in a 2003 interview with VOA News. “For so many years, in the African-American community, the only roles that we could get in Hollywood were those of pimps and drug dealers,” he shared. “So to have an entertainer try to say there’s something cool about being a pimp left me outraged.”

9. Hulk Hogan’s Thunder Mixer

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! Wait, no — it’s literally a small blender branded by wrestling star Hulk Hogan.

In Hulk Hogan’s apparent quest to push gains on the common folk of America, he decided to put his name all over this protein shake blender (that’s apparently portable?), a device that is useful to virtually no one. According to Uproxx, Hogan was originally offered the endorsement for what’s now known as George Foreman’s and declined — apparently in favor of this device, which was decidedly a flop.

10. Katy Perry’s Popchips

In 2012, pop star Katy Perry became the new face of Popchips, posing for a series of ads.

Weirdly, the pop star also created her very own flavor of Popchips: Katy’s Kettle Corn.

“A typical movie snack for me would be kettle corn, but that isn’t necessarily the healthiest option, so I decided to create one,” shared Perry in an interview with Glamour. “These chips are the perfect balance between salty and sweet.”

That’s great and all, but I’m still confused as to why a pop star needed to brand a flavor of lower-calorie chips.

11. Melania Trump’s Caviar-Based Skincare Line

https://www.facebook.com/MelaniaTrump/photos/a.326834337807.150917.263486007807/10151509101832808/?type=3&theater

You probably don’t recall, but now-First Lady Melania Trump once launched a skincare line called Caviar Complexe C6. The products were literally made from caviar.

The products were slated to be sold on QVC as well as other shops, according to Cheat Sheet, and originally appeared on an episode of Celebrity Apprentice. The caviar was allegedly shipped in from France. But the brand was apparently up in flames before it even really got going thanks to some nasty reported lawsuits, and it exists no more.

I’m not sure if anyone beyond Melania’s team is severely bummed about this news.

12. Lindsay Lohan’s Sevin Nyne Self Tanner

The year? 2009. The situation? Actor/singer/socialite/future reality TV star Lindsay Lohan launching her own brand of self-tanner.

Did the world need another self-tanner, specifically one that, according to The Cut, only gives you a falsely sunkissed glow for a few days at a time? Perhaps… after all, it probably beats the health risks that come along with tanning beds. But did Linds Lo need to be the person to help develop such a product? That, my friends, is the more difficult question to answer — but I’m leaning towards “no.”

13. Bethenny Frankel’s Skinnygirl Cocktails

You may know Bethenny Frankel from Real Housewives of New York fame — but did you know she has an entire lifestyle brand called Skinnygirl that includes a line of allegedly low-calorie cocktails? Yeah.

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OK, disclaimer: Skinnygirl is not a flop. In fact, it’s pretty popular — according to People, Frankel sold Skinnygirl Cocktails back in 2011 for an estimated $100 million.

But at least one of the cocktails, which allegedly claimed to be “natural” and “preservative-free,” apparently contained a potentially cancer-causing preservative.

In fact, in 2011, Whole Foods reportedly chose to stop selling the Skinnygirl Margarita altogether because of it. “After discovering that [the Skinnygirl Margarita] contains a preservative that does not meet our quality standards, we have had to stop selling it,” said Whole Foods in a statement, according to the New York Post. Yikes.

And side note: Of course we’re used to it by now, but it’s still upsetting to see the word “skinny” being used synonymous with a desirable state of being or lifestyle. It completely glosses over the fact that skinny doesn’t always equal healthy or happy, and it perpetuates the toxic idea that women should strive for “skinny.” This just leaves a bad taste in my mouth in many ways.

14. Snooki’s Slippers

Jersey Shore‘s Nicole Polizzi — better known as Snooki — isn’t always living the party girl life. Apparently sometimes, even the wild child of the bunch needs to relax in a fuzzy pair of slippers?

Snooki launched a line of slippers —  very fuzzy, leopard print-y slippers — back in 2010.

Currently, her online store The Snooki Shop boasts just under 30 different styles of the fuzzy, plush slippers. It’s a strange thing to be passionate about, but hey, we’ve all got our things.

15. The ‘Kiss Kasket’ By Kiss, The Band

I saved this gem for the very end — a fitting one for endings, after all, given that this celebrity-owned product is a literal casket.

Leave it to band KISS to create an actual casket. Yes, you can be buried in it, if you so desire.

“Hailed as one of the 10 greatest moments in Kiss marketing by Fortune magazine, the casket was completely covered with a specially laminated photomural that featured the Kiss logo and images of the band members,” reported Ultimate Classic Rock on its site. It’s a strange product for a celeb to choose to launch, but hey, whatever floats your boat through the afterlife.